And that’s why I have a Band-Aid on my hand

This Sunday, as my hubby was working on more bathroom projects, I was attacked by a band of roaming pygmies!  (Not unlike the pygmies that often attacked Ally McBeal. They’ve attacked before, but only during the week!  I wasn’t even working on files!)  They jumped out from under the deck and started chasing me, their flaming arrows whizzing by my ears. I ran as fast as I could, but they were gaining on me. 

Just as I thought I was a goner, I got to a ravine and noticed an old rickety rope bridge!  Using my best Indiana Jones impression, I ran onto the bridge, and it snapped!  I grabbed a hold of the ropes and hung on for dear life.  I crashed into the side of the rocky ravine, but amazingly didn’t fall! 

I pulled myself up to the top, and there it was!  A wild boar!  It was frothing at the mouth and was quite angry.  As I scrambled away from the edge of the cliff, it started chasing me through the thick underbrush. 

That’s when I stumbled onto a highway!  A truck was coming around the corner, and it slowed as the driver spotted me.  He pulled me into the cab, just as the wild boar burst out of the thicket after me! 

As we were driving down the highway, the man pulled a knife on me!  I couldn’t believe my luck!  I quickly tightened my seatbelt and then pulled the emergency brake!  He went right through the windshield as the truck came to a screeching halt. 

That’s when I called my husband on my cell phone, and he came to get me.  Luckily, I still had on my GPS ankle bracelet he makes me wear, so he was able to locate me on his digital map.  He was irritated about having to stop his project, but glad I was safe at home.   

Claire was still taking her nap and was none the wiser. 

After getting settled down and cleaned up, my hubby asked me to go turn the breaker back on, so that we could check to see if he had the fan/light wired up correctly in the Master Bathroom.  As I was walking through the kitchen, I just happened to randomly hit the back of my hand on the pointy part of the kitchen counter!  The pain was excruciating, and the wound very gross-looking.  It still hurts today, and I’ve iced it as much as I can stand. 

Okay, maybe I embellished a bit of my tale…I’ll let you figure out which part is true.  Here’s a hint…it’s the boring part and doesn’t involve the “never run onto structures that can’t support your weight,” “never underestimate the power and agility of wildlife,” “never get into a car with a stranger,” and “always wear your seatbelt” morals-of-the-story.