NaBloPoMo – Day Seventeen
SHARING MY JOURNAL by me (May 12, 1991)
Tonight as we were traveling both to and from [a city by us], [my youngest sister and brother] were looking through this journal and trying to decipher some of the scrawled letters that crowd these light blue lines. As I was reading some of the passages to them, I realized that the impressions of the experiences in my life are remembered when I read what I wrote about the experience. (Wow, talk about a complicated sentence!)
I also realize how priceless this journal really is. It is no longer just a book composed of cardboard, wire and paper; it is composed of memories, laughter, hours of ink, and moments locked in time forever. It is no longer an assignment; it is a habit, a friend, a perfect someone to complain to.
One of the most rewarding aspects of this journal is sharing it. So far, the only ones who have read anything in my journal (or had it read to them) are my family, some of my friends, the AP [Advanced Placement Writing class] students who read any journal re-writes and Mrs. [Crazy AP Writing Teacher].
NOTE: Mrs. [Crazy AP Writing Teacher], if you read this could you sign your name on this line? – [and she did!] – since the little “red marks” throughout the pages belong to your trusty pen and you introduced this journal to me. Your name belongs in here, too.
I will continue to write in this journal even when AP Comp. is completed for the year. (This will NOT be thrown in the recycling like some of the paper from my other classes!) The things I write (wrote) about will never come again, but they will never be forgotten – it’s fun just looking back through the things I have already written and a year hasn’t even gone by yet; imagine what it will be like to look back through these pages when years have gone by!
As we were looking through this [my brother] said: “Why don’t you write more about us, you know, when you sneak around and spy on us?”
After I explained to him that I do write about him, I told him that sneaking around again to spy on people didn’t sound like a bad idea. I guess I’ll just have to see where my journal takes me this time!
[This is the last journal entry for my AP class. Mrs. Crazy AP Writing Teacher has written the following note, with her red pen: “May 15, 1991 – You have, indeed, captured many moments…And I’m glad you’ll continue journaling. You’re an excellent student who kept me motivated this year.” And she signed it with her initials.]
Wow. First of all, I said in my initial post about Mrs. Crazy Writing Teacher that although she was crazy, I learned a lot from her, and she was encouraging with her comments. That made writing even easier. Part of me felt a little bad about referring to her as Mrs. Crazy Writing Teacher, but then I snapped back to reality and remembered just how traumatizing most of her class actually was. 
And, it *is* amazing to me to relive the moments from my journal so many years later. The above entry is the last one I wrote for that class. From page 137 on, I started writing knowing that others wouldn’t necessarily be reading it. I never hid my journal, but I didn’t have to turn it in for evaluation. I wrote throughout the summer and my senior year and then on into college.
When I first started this blog, I’d honestly forgotten that I’d written for an audience. I remember writing this journal, but I’d forgotten that my teacher read it and commented on most of the entries. I was worried about how my voice would change when I started having “readers” on my blog and what would happen when people actually started following and commenting on my stories.
So far, the response has been positive. I have become hyper-aware of how I sound, and I’m trying to find a good balance between my sarcasm, perfectionism, and optimism. I just assume that everyone I talk about will eventually read it and know I’m talking about them. 
I don’t use specific names of places or people, because I still feel weird about that. (I’ve had a couple stalkers in my day, yeeeeeeeeeeears ago, but still…once it’s happened to you, you’ll never take it for granted again…) I have quoted some of my friends and family, and I think most all of them know that I’ve quoted them, but I don’t use their full names. (I’d hate to hinder their chances of being a Senator one day…Google finds the most amazing things!) I sometimes edit my posts after they’ve been published for clarity, grammar-related issues, and just because.
Whenever you put yourself out on a public blog, you have to be prepared for the ugly side of the Internet. When I was pregnant with Claire, I posted daily on a certain iCommunity, and the trolls could be ruthless! (Don’t know what an Internet Troll is? Read all about these nasty little creatures here.) It was so hard not to get caught up in all the drama. Because of that interesting experience, I always try to remind myself that there is no intonation in the typed word, and I try to give the benefit of the doubt. But, since this is my game, I have no qualms about taking my marbles home or playing with someone else. Ignoring or deleting comments and/or not responding was one of the hardest things for me to do without boiling over. I’ve come a long way, and I’m much calmer now.
That being said, I really like the people I’ve “met” so far doing this silly little blog thing. I love comments. I love reading other people’s blogs. The sense of community is very real to me right now, and I love it.
So, thanks for reading my blog, and thanks for sharing your comments and your own blogs with me. I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know…
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