The Vulcan Car Seat Relaxant Grip

Is there a “get the toddler in the car seat” equivalent to the “Vulcan Death Grip?” For real. I’d love to know where that pressure point is. Her ability to climb into the car seat herself really saves my back, so I’d like to be able to apply said grip after she’s sitting in the seat.

You may think I’m being facetious in my question, but I’m serious. A pressure point that doesn’t cause permanent paralysis would be awesome. Or that doesn’t cause bruising. Well, no visible bruising anyway… Just kidding! (or am I?)

At first I thought maybe the straps needed to be adjusted on the car seat. I checked the manual, and sure enough, the straps needed to be moved to the next slot up. So, I did that. But, it’s still a wrestling match.

Some days are okay. I’ve tried giving her choices: Do you want to get in the seat yourself, or do you want me to help you? Do you want to click the top latch by yourself, or do you want me to help you? Like I said, some days are okay.

Some days are not. Puppy gets taken away until she calms down. I physically have to hold her down with one arm while trying to click the latches as quickly as I can…all the while shielding my face from her claws and flailing limbs. The ringing in my ears from all the screaming seems to subside after a few minutes.

The day we brought a little boy home with us from a playdate (so that his mom could go to an appointment in peace), I wasn’t sure what to expect. I couldn’t handle two crazed beasts. I decided to hope for the best and really played up how much fun it would be to ride in the backseat together. It worked. He hopped right into his seat and waited patiently. Claire did the same. I was amazed. So…you CAN do it. You just don’t WANT TO. I’m onto you, Little Missy.

And, for the record, she gets in the car seat with minimal thrashing about for Daddy. Again, proving that the issue is not mechanical, it’s psychological. Maybe the problem is me? No…I’m not the one who is two.

Today, we had another Music Class with the Mom’s Group, and Claire did NOT want to leave. I tried to leave three times but got stopped chatting with other moms that were also trying unsuccessfully to head for the door. On the fourth and final time, I told the moms that I had to do the Grab and Dash, and to please ignore all the screaming.

I went back to the playroom and escaped through the door with a screaming toddler.

As I carried Claire to the car, she was literally kicking and screaming, and she didn’t stop when she got to the car. She was in no mood for my choice-offering questions, so I put her in the seat. Out of nowhere, she developed the strength of ten men. This was the biggest struggle I’ve seen yet.

Oh, the arching of the back! Oh, the throwing of oneself from side to side! Oh the gnashing of teeth and the shrill screams!

I was finally able to get the latches clasped, but not without her smacking me. This is unacceptable. I told her that as soon as we got home, she was sitting in time-out. You would have thought that I ripped poor Puppy limb-from-limb with how she erupted in a fit of tears. Then, the bargaining began. She didn’t do it on purpose! (Yes, she did.) She wouldn’t do it again! (Sorry, I’m not a fortune teller. Actions have consequences. The sooner you learn that, the better.) She tried apologizing, but I told her that was nice, but it was too late. Time-out is where little girls go who hit. Period. (see note below)

As I got out of the backseat, all disheveled and bruised, I saw one of the other moms. “Do you have a bumper sticker that says, ‘I swear I’m not kidnapping this child; she just hates her car seat,’ on you?” She laughed and said her little boy does the same thing and that she’d just survived a massive struggle as well. As both kids screamed in the backseats, we quickly chatted about how he was perfectly fine for me that one day…he’d gotten into his car seat willingly and was all happy through the entire process.

Maybe next time we should switch up kids, and I should put him in his car seat and she can put Claire in hers. Hmmm…that might not be a bad idea. Of course, that will work for Music Class, but not for any other trips I take, and I’m sure the novelty of someone else strapping them in would wear off eventually.

The Vulcan Car Seat Relaxant Grip would be much more practical.

Note: Claire sobbed all the way home (thankfully, we live close), and went straight to the time-out corner upon our arrival. But, whatever it was has worked itself out of her system…for now. Oh, the trials and tribulations of being two…