The Secret to Sharing

Wednesday, we had a couple of friends over to play. We met them through the local Moms’ Club, and Claire and Heath really hit it off, and I really enjoy chatting with his mom. We’ve done a lot of activities with them, and we’ve had some one-on-one playdates as well.

One of the reasons I joined the Moms’ Club was so that Claire would have a chance to learn how to share her toys. Learning to share is a big step in the socialization process. When Claire was younger, she would “share” willingly with others. She’d go so far as to force her toys on others. “Here,” she’d say. “Take my Puppy.” Everyone would say, “Oh, what a wonderful sharer!” But, I knew the truth. She didn’t really have a concept of “mine” and “yours” so she wasn’t really sharing. All of this nicety and getting-along-ness was purely coincidental.

Cue the 24-month mark, and all of a sudden, the concept became clearer. This is mine. This is NOT yours. You can NOT have this. This is mine. But, I want that! I don’t care if it’s yours. I want that! The world is ending! Terrible, disastrous things are happening to me and all of my precious treasures!

*sigh*

All of a sudden, she couldn’t see past the minute at hand. She couldn’t see sharing as a temporary thing. It was as if she feared that she was signing over the ownership of said item, never to see it again…sharing being this legally binding contract that rips your toys out of your possession.

Overall, she was doing a pretty good job of sharing, but toward the end of the playdates, her patience would wear thin, and she would convince herself that everyone was out to steal her things forever. On purpose.

So, we’ve been practicing. We have all kinds of playdates with all kinds of people in all kinds of places. We share left and right, up and down, and sideways. The other moms and I referee the trading and force the taking of turns. Slowly, she and her friends are getting it.

And, Wednesday, before Heath got to our place, I let her in on a little secret. “You know,” I said to Claire, looking her straight in the eyes. “Heath is going to come over here and you guys are going to have so much fun playing…and, he’s going to touch all of your toys. He’s going to play with all of your animals and all of your things. And, you’re going to let him, because you’re a good friend.”

“He’s going to play with all of my toys?” Claire asks, uncertainty in her voice. “Even my kitty? Even my oven? Even my dolly stroller? Even my sandbox?”

“Yes, but that’s okay…because you’re a good friend, and good friends share their toys.”

“Okay,” she said, telling me what I wanted to hear, but not at all sure about this proposition.

“Plus, you wanna know a secret?” I asked her.

“Yes!” she said, very excited about secrets.

“Just remember…it’s okay to let Heath play with all your toys, because when he leaves?” I said, putting a question in my voice for effect. “They’ll still be here. And, they’ll be all yours again. You’ll get to have them all to yourself.”

“Oh!” she said. “When he leaves, I still get to have all my toys?” she asked. “All to myself?” I could tell that she’d never even considered this fact.

And, it was if the light bulb went off in her head. It was as if she finally realized that sharing isn’t a permanent thing. Or a bad thing. Or a weak thing. It’s a fun thing to do. It doesn’t change anything, except make the playdate that much more exciting.

And you know what? She did really well with sharing with Heath! We had a couple of rough spots, but they were quickly smoothed over when I reminded her about the secret I’d shared with her earlier.

And, I dare say, she finally saw a glimpse of the real secret to sharing: it really can be a lot of fun…and the more you practice, the more fun you have.