I’m going to pretend I heard him wrong, Revisited

Okay, I’m not going in order! This one comes before the one posted yesterday! The Perfectionist part of my brain is screaming a bit right now, and the Casual part is trying to tell her to deal with it. Today, Casual wins. The post stays out of order.

If you haven’t guessed, the blog is on Auto-Pilot right now. Here’s the next installment!

Last year, at this time, I was still working the equivalent of a full-time job from my home office while caring for Claire. Needless to say, last year, Momma was a bit stressed. But, I’m feeling much better now. 

Also, last year, at this time, we were getting ready for our trip to the Midwest (which ironically falls at the exact same time this year, but for different reasons.)

Here’s a peek into my life back then.

Enjoy!

I’m going to pretend I heard him wrong, Page 31
Published Thursday, July 12, 2007

He just doesn’t get it. How could I possibly be tired when all I did was watch Claire, run errands, and clean. Because we’re leaving for our trip to the Midwest on Saturday, my “vacation” from the files has already started. So, no, I didn’t have calls to make today, or my normal deadlines, or a full day of files to do. I did a couple of follow-up calls, but they really don’t count.

Yes, logically speaking, if I have less on my plate to do during the day, I shouldn’t be as tired as I normally am at the end of the day. For some reason, it just doesn’t work out that way. Life with a toddler is rarely logical, so I guess that’s why.

It’s as though I’m always going to get to a certain level of tiredness, and even a “slow day” with a toddler will push me to that limit. (I put that in quotes, because there’s really no such thing as a slow day with a toddler.) Then again, I filled the empty space on my plate left by the lack of files with other things.

Honestly, I don’t run a lot of errands or do a lot of cleaning if I have a lot of files, and caring for Claire is a time-and-a-half job all on its own. I’m extremely lucky to have a hubby that shops and cleans, even after working full-time. Sometimes I think he’s the best wife anyone could have. Most of the time, he can’t, however, watch Claire for 20 minutes without getting exhausted. “Claire, let’s play the Daddy Goes Night-night Over Here On the Floor While Claire Plays Game.”

So why did what he say strike such a nerve? Looking back, I really know what he meant, and I really can’t think of an easy way to say it without pissing me off. He sees me as some kind of SuperWoman, and it’s my own fault, really. But just because I try to make what I do look easy, doesn’t mean it is. Deep down I want him to think I am SuperWoman, so when he sees through my disguise, I feel inadequate. I want to do it all and not feel tired at the end of the day. I want him to realize that what I do during the day is the equivalent to his job.

So what happened to set me off? All I said was, “Ohhh, Claire. Momma’s ready for a nap!” (Claire has started playing this game where she wants up and down and up and down, a billion times in a row. This game makes me feel old.) So, I say what I said, and he says, “Why are you so tired? It’s not like you even had to work today.”

He insists that what he really said was, “Wow. You did so much today, but luckily you didn’t have any files to do, too! Imagine how tired you would be then!” He knew by the stunned silence, gaping mouth and look of death that the words must have come out wrong.