It’s NaBloPoMo Day 3!
Today’s confession: I’m the Grammar Snob about whom your mother warned, and even I sing the “I before E” song in my head.
It’s true. As a perfectionist, I love rules. I love knowing what they are. As a Casual Perfectionist, I reserve the right to follow the ones I can justify or deem necessary. Some of the rules I gladly follow are those of grammar.
Grammar makes me giddy. I was taught the rules, and they stuck. I break some of the rules on my blog, on purpose, to make my writing more conversational. But, that’s just how I am. (See? It’s not proper to start a sentence with a conjunction, but I did it anyway.) Every once in a while, I end a sentence in a preposition. It makes me feel naughty.
I was taught the rules early on, and my mother enforced them. Even at an early age, I could diagram a sentence with the best of them. It was like a puzzle, and I love puzzles. Also, I think a lot of my grammar knowledge is based on the fact that I studied a foreign language in high school and majored in it in college. When you learn the rules inside-out in another language, the rules of your own language are solidified.
Even though I know the rules, I have little tricks I use to remember them. I mean, I’m the Grammar Snob about whom your mother warned, and even I sing the “I before E” song in my head. I do. “I before E, except after C, or sounding as ay as in neighbor or weigh.”
In my head, I almost always throw the word “parking” into a sentence when I use the words “a lot.” Yes, “a lot” is TWO words. Always. A parking lot. I love this a lot. I love this as much as a parking lot is large, and that’s a lot.
Most of the other rules are just part of my psyche. They’re woven into the fiber of my being, and that is what it is. Punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks. Always. They’re, Their, There? Easy. It’s, Its? Bring it on.
I would master every single Facebook Quiz on this topic if those weren’t just a ploy to get all my personal information and sell it to third party vendors.
The flip-side of knowing the rules when it comes to all things grammatical is the headache and twitch I get when I see incorrect grammar.
I’m the one on the highway screaming, “Drive safeLY! SAFELY! LEEEEE! Where’s the LEEEE!?” at the blinking road construction signs. Yes, those signs are so distracting to me, which kind of defeats their purpose.
I’m the one who has a nervous breakdown over the thought of making a mistake, especially on something that will be printed. I obsess over our Holiday Letter and then vow to never look at it again once it’s been mailed for fear of catching that one elusive typo. (It’s hard enough on the blog, when I can go in and correct it without anyone being the wiser.)
My husband can let something critical like that go, and often times without even noticing it existed in the first place. (He doesn’t even consider this to be a critical issue! The nerve!) 
He assures me that no one else cares as much as I do. That may be true, but doesn’t make me stop.
I care. I can’t not care. It’s who I am. I care a whole lot. I care a whole parking lot’s worth. And, that’s a lot.
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Soooo, sooooooooo not a perfectionist. If it looks good enough, it probably is. Weird that everyone is writing about their perfectionist or mediocre ways today. I’m WAY mediocre, and super slacker and uhhh, lazy?
HAHA we are twins!!! I love this! I had not heard of the “parking lot” before, but I think we should have a campaign to increase awareness because there are millions of people out there that need to have this in their heads!
Fiona
I am so different from you and Fiona. I glance over for mistakes, maybe run things through spell checker and call it good. It is our differences that make the world go round though and I like that alot
Thanks for the comment, Holly! (In reality, if it looks good enough, someone like me will still find something wrong with it…but that’s okay!) Not everyone can be a perfectionist. How boring would that be!?
Yes, Fiona! I’m so glad I’m not alone!
BARB. You had to use a faux-word that would make me twitch, didn’t you? Thanks. Thankyouverymuch. Or, should I say, “thanksalot.” LOL
You are welcome a lot. Just spreading my chaos into perfection
I am a grammar stickler as well, but I find myself being confused by rules as I get older. I don’t trust my memory. I over-think.
I am also comma-happy and dash-happy.
I sure do try to do well by my grammar (or should that be do good?) but I’m sure I don’t follow all of the rules.
One thing that bugs me though is ‘weird’ it doesn’t follow the song!
Barb, you make me laugh!
Gretchen, I agree…commas are cumbersome, and dashes can be very handy.
Annisa, the way I remember “weird” is that it’s weird, so that’s why it doesn’t fit the rules. LOL
LOVE GRAMMAR. Was taught by nuns for 9 years, and wish I could still diagram sentences for fun- like instead of Soduku in the newspaper! Love this post. Love your blog. Carry on with your grammatical correctness and general state of awesome.
Readin’ this post I is sure you ain’t no fan of my blog then cos that thar would be just plane wierd.
Awww, thanks, marymac!
Melissa! You make me laugh out loud…literally…and A LOT.
I care just as much as do you. I firmly believe the world would be a better place if people paid attention to their words.
I now have an instant crush on you because it’s so delightful to find a grammar soul sister out there!
Oh, Maura! Thank you for commenting! I’d be happy to be your grammar soul sister!
My first non-fiction expository essay in college was entirely made up of sentences explaining the rules of good writing and grammar (as explained by Mr. Meis, my high-school English teacher) and intentionally breaking each one. I knew we shared a sense of humor!
Michelle, that’s awesome! Why don’t you have a blog?
Because yours is so much better than I could come up with! (See, I try the conversational sentence fragments that end with a preposition, too, but it hurts to type.) Plus, I tend to overshare. Facebook is dangerous enough!
this is me, too.
the other day, when I was home sick, I accidentally IM’ed a co-worker using “their” instead of “there”. I horrified myself, then remembered I was under the weather.
Oh, thanks, Michelle! If you ever do decide to start the blogging obsession, be sure to send me the link!
Thanks, Rachel! I hope you’re feeling A LOT better now!