Knowing what I know is coming

Normally, I love Facebook’s “on this day” feature. I love looking at posts from over the years and the reminders of fun adventures, full-on belly laughs, and milestones. Today, though, knowing what I know is coming makes me sad. It’s reminding me of pictures and fun times we had with my mom last year, on this day, the day before my sister’s world came crashing down, the day before we lost our nephew Trenton, the day before I got the most horrible call ever.

…A call I still can’t think about without crying.

Look! There we are with Grandma at the railroad and mine! Look! There we are with Grandma on our hike!

Look! Look at our happy faces! There we are! …And we have no idea what is about to happen.

Look.
Maybe I don’t want to look.
Maybe I should.
I don’t know.
…and that’s okay.

Time marches on with an audacity that breaks my heart, but thankfully it does so whether we want it to or not, because right now, my heart can’t be trusted to make those decisions.

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