Archive for the 'Random Thoughts' Category

If they can’t even get it to stick to the package…

As I was browsing through Target today, I noticed something ironic, and I just had to take a photo of it. That’s the fun of having a camera everywhere I go (even if it is in the form of a phone).

Needless to say, I decided to go with a brand that can actually get their product to stick to the packaging…  :)

Today is our Saturday

I love days like this.  When my husband gets a Friday off, we get to treat the day like a Saturday.  We all sleep in.  We do something fun like go to The Runway Grill for lunch and watch the planes.

We wonder why there aren’t so many people out in the stores on a weekend…

…and then we remember that it isn’t a weekend at all!

Technically.

So, regardless of what today is for you, we hope you have a wonderful weekend!

…and what exactly is in vegetarian soup?

I used to (and still do) collect humorous quotes.  Recently, I was looking through some old college things, and I found this gem, author unknown:

“If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?”

Don’t take no as an answer, yet don’t be afraid to give it as one.

It’s often our first word. We learn how to use it often and with abandon.

Then, we forget how to use it.
We think saying it makes us weak.
We somehow correlate it with disappointment.
We don’t want to be impolite.

We think not saying it will make everyone happy.

Deep down, we all know it’s impossible to make everyone happy, but we’re capable of anything.
And everything.
So, we don’t care.
And we don’t say it.

We think if we don’t say it, we’ll have more power.
We group it together with other things we don’t want to leave on the table.
And leaving things on the table is unacceptable when success is at stake.

We say yes to the possibilities.
We say yes to power.
We say yes to too much.

And, by doing that we silently say no to ourselves.

What we really need to do is travel back in time to when we weren’t afraid to say it.
We were expected to say it.
We need to summon our inner toddler and shout it out loud.

Don’t take no as an answer, yet don’t be afraid to give it as one.

That’s the key.

How to dispose of a body

“Do you think I need to double-bag this,” I said, holding one of the black garbage bags, one of its pointy ends swinging like a pendulum over my kitchen floor. “Or do you think the garbage truck will take it like this?”

“You probably should,” he said. My husband was always the voice of reason. “You don’t want the toxic stuff to leak.”

“I hope I don’t need a HAZMAT suit,” I muttered under my breath, not wanting this toxic mess to ruin my clothes.

“It’s a little late for that, but at least you’re wearing those,” he chuckled, pointing to the mess on my gloves and apron. “Be sure to check your shoes before you walk across the carpet.”

“Do you think they’ll even notice this is a body?” I asked. I’d seen too many of those television shows, the ones with the Q-tips and solutions that turn red or purple. “Or do you think the toxins will make this unrecognizable?”

These were rhetorical questions. Eventually, the poison, venom and acid would turn inward and destroy its host. I knew that by the time the garbage truck arrived, all that would be left of this toxic person was a few bags of goo and a load of laundry.

I’d been struggling with my decision to dispose of this body for years now. My brain knew that keeping this toxic person in my life would have ill effects on me and every member of my family. I knew that this poison would seep into all facets of my life. But, my heart wasn’t ready. The history I had with this person was powerful, but it was just that: history. Any chance for good times in the present tense had been completely destroyed by the poison. All that was worth saving were the happy memories of the past, and those were on the brink of destruction as well, if I stayed this close for much longer.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Was it? Or did that even matter? The more I shared my story with others, the more of the same stories I heard in return. I wasn’t alone. I knew I had to make a life-changing decision.

It was possible to dispose of a body. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth it.

My brain had been tugging me down this path for a long time. My heart had been tugging back. What I’d forgotten to figure into the equation was how much my heart needed this to be done, too. The thought of my daughter thinking it was okay to live like this scared me to death. Allowing someone to treat me this way is never acceptable. Allowing someone to treat my family this way is never acceptable. Getting rid of this toxic person was the right decision, and as soon as my head and heart were on the same page, I started the process.

I’d done it. I’d taken matters into my own hands. I fought the battle and won, and what I was left with was a toxic body on the floor of my kitchen.

I’d done most of the work already. I’d chopped it into more manageable pieces. It had take a lot of energy, but I’d put it all in garbage bags. All that was left was to haul it to the curb.

As I stood looking at the mess, I realized that I was just a few garbage bags away from having this toxicity out of my life. My family wouldn’t be exposed to it anymore. We could get on with our lives, breathing easier…literally, without the toxic fumes.

“Can you help me with this?” I yelled over my shoulder to my husband, as I started dragging one of the bags toward the door.

“I can get the door for you,” he said. “But you have to do all the lifting yourself. I wish I could do it, but you know you have to do this part yourself.”

He was right. He’d always been supportive of me, but the disposal was most effective if I hauled the bags to the curb myself.

So, I did.

As I struggled to get the last garbage bag to the curb, I realized this was the moment I needed. This was the moment my brain had been seeking for years, and this was the moment my heart was too afraid to feel but needed so desperately.

As I stood looking at all the garbage bags slumped on the curb, it felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Who knew that a toxic person could weigh so much?

I practically floated back to the house. I checked my shoes again. I mopped the kitchen floor. I wiped down the sink. I threw a load of clothes in the washer.

I have my memories of a happier time, and they are safe from the acid. I have a future free from poison. For once, my current state is not clouded by a toxic mess. My husband, my daughter, and I can live in the toxin-free environment we deserve.

As it turns out, disposing of a body is not as hard as I thought it would be.

Just don’t send the Crime Scene Unit to my house with their little Q-tips and magical fluid, or I’ll have some major explaining to do.

Let’s go to the beach!

Did you notice the new blog header?  Here’s the full version:

Three Shadows on the Beach

Three Shadows on the Beach

If you’re in a FeedReader, click on over and check it out.

This is a photo from The Great Road Trip of May 2009.  I love the expression on Claire’s face.  You can barely see it beneath her blowing hair, caught by the ocean breezes.  This moment was captured by the camera and melded with our shadows.  This was our first experience dipping our toes in the Pacific Ocean as a family, and it was awesome.  Was our big 12-day adventure really back in May?  Was May really that long ago?

Well, not today, it isn’t.  I was tired of looking at the snow, as beautiful and sunny as it is here, I want to go to the beach…

…so let’s go!
Grab your sunscreen.
Grab your swimsuit.
Grab your flip-flops.

Meet me at the beach…if only in our minds.

TGIM

Having two weeks off was awesome! I know some people complain about that much “togetherness,” but it really was great for us. Yes, I missed having my free time when Claire would have been in school, but I can’t even complain about that! I mean, the grandparents were here for over a week, and during that time, I had so much free time I almost wasn’t sure to do with myself. I’d get glimpses of Claire every now and then, but I had no real hand in keeping her happy, fed, or clothed. It was awesome!

Am I supposed to admit that out loud?

Then, we had a week to ourselves, which was nice, too. We love our guests, but it’s always nice to have our house back. In fact, looking back, there were whole days that went by when none of us even changed into real clothes. It was awesome!

Am I supposed to admit that out loud?

Well, with Monday’s dawning comes a snap back to Reality…or 2010‘s version of it anyway. Daddy goes back to work today, which will be a shock to his system, but I think he’ll survive. He says he’s enjoyed all this time with us, but I can tell by the wild look in his eyes (and that pesky twitch) that it’s time for him to get back to his routine.

Sometimes we’ve joked that his motto is “TGIM” instead of “TGIF,” but he does refrain from skipping to his car.

Most of the time.

One more week of Winter Break Bliss

No, I’m not being facetious with that title. We really have one more week of Winter Break around here, and it really is blissful. My husband has another week of work off, and we have nothing of consequence scheduled for this week. It’s going to be just as wonderful as we can imagine.

After all the excitement we’ve had over the last [week] [month] year, a nice quietness is appreciated. It’s the perfect way to ring in the new year! 2010 is already proving to be an exciting year, and it’s not even here yet!

This last week of the year isn’t completely devoid of excitement. There are a couple of things scheduled this week: Our visitors are leaving us, and we have Claire’s 6-month Dentist Appointment.

We’re hoping Claire handles the Grandparents’ departure well this year. It’s sad saying good-bye, especially when you live in the moment and aren’t old enough to see into the future to the next visit.  Luckily, and oddly enough, the Dentist Appointment will act to cheer her up after the Grandparents leave. Yes, she loves the Dentist that much.

No, I’m not kidding.

Maybe I should have that as the title of this blog post.  Then again, “No, I’m not kidding,” seems to be a common theme around here with most things.

;)

It has been ages since I threatened to ship her anywhere in a box.

As I was looking over some things I’ve written in the past, I stumbled upon this gem that I wrote on December 13, 2007:

An Imaginary Conversation

An imaginary conversation I had in my head today while waiting in line to ship a package:

“How much will it cost to ship this?” I said, struggling not to drop my packages, my purse, Kitty, Puppy, a pair of small sunglasses and a hand-knitted winter hat. “This small box and this big package…not all this other stuff. And, you can box up the larger package for me, right?”

“The small box is no problem, but I’m sorry, Ma’am,” the clerk in the purple and black shirt said. “If the bigger package won’t sit still long enough to be measured, we can’t ship it from here.”

“But, I’ll pay extra,” I said, tapping my credit card on the counter.

“…and there will be an extra surcharge for all the noise. Is there anyway you can tape the on/off switch to off?”

“You can still hear that? All that screaming isn’t just in my head?” I asked. “Believe me, I’ve tried. I can’t seem to find the switch. I even took out the batteries,” I explained.

“…and there’s some rule about not being able to ship humans…” the clerk continued.

“Prove to me she’s human right now, and I won’t ship her anywhere.”

This post still makes me laugh, and it got me thinking. I remember that day as though it were yesterday. Claire’s 2nd Year wasn’t as terrible as some warned, but it wasn’t without its challenges. That day was one of the tougher ones. Honestly, three was a bigger challenge for me, but I still wouldn’t change anything. (I can say that because we both escaped Year Three relatively unscathed.)

She’s four now, and it is rare that I threaten to ship her anywhere in a box.

So far?
So far, I love four.

Square Holes

After trying all day to pound square pegs into round holes, I became exhausted. My arms were starting to tire. Why won’t these pegs go in?? Just because they’re not exactly the right shape, shouldn’t be the only determining factor. I *want* them to go in. I am strong. I have the resources! I mean, this mallet is a good quality mallet, and it wasn’t cheap. I’m determined to get my money’s worth.

I can do anything! What I’m asking is not unreasonable!

But, I was losing steam. I decided to stop pounding for just a minute to regain my composure, re-evaluate the situation. I’d been pounding for what seemed like weeks, and the old quote kept popping into my head.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

It was easier to hear the voice of reason when there was a lull in the pounding.

As I’m sitting there, sweat dripping from my brow, the mallet heavy in my weary hand, I looked around with new eyes. Right over there, was a hole I hadn’t seen. For reasons that were good at the time, I’d chosen to overlook it. I’d been so focused on pounding that I didn’t think it really mattered in the grand scheme of things.

It was square. The hole I’d neglected to see was square.

I looked at all the square pegs in my hand. I looked at the square peg jammed into the round hole in front of me. It was all crooked, mocking me.

Could it really be this easy?

I yanked on that square peg and took it over to the square hole. I didn’t even have to force it. It slipped right in, dropping right into place. I didn’t even need to use the mallet.

Why had I used my time and energy banging on square pegs in round holes? Why hadn’t it even occurred to me to use my energy finding square holes?

I set down my mallet and grabbed a flashlight. Let’s see how many more square holes I can find.